Monday, February 20, 2012

Untitled

Have you ever had a friend or coworker that has had some sort of problem in their life, or something has happened to them and their lives are just in shambles?

Well that's been happening around me a lot lately.
And it's hard.

You can only say to yourself "I can only imagine how awful that must be" so many times before you realize that even though you aren't going through it yourself, you're still going having really strong emotional reactions to it.

I hate it.

Right now, I have a co worker (my boss) who is going through a really rough time with her daughter. A scary, horrible, all too common problem for a 13 year old girl. 
I hear about what's happening, and I see this girl, this CHILD, dealing with these demons and I just hurt for her. I want to hug her and shake her all at the same time.
I saw my boss, a woman who is normally strong and so together, break down in tears the other day because it is just beating her down so much.
Her tears made me want to cry for her, but what does that accomplish? Nothing.

And then I have a best friend. Someone who I love dearly and would take a bullet for. 
She's had a rough go of it that past few months. Not even just the past few months. The past couple YEARS have been rough on her. Sure, sure, some of it is just normal life happenings. But some of it is painful, and hard and I've watched her struggle through the ups and downs.
Last night something heartbreaking happened. She texted me and I couldn't help but think to myself "holy hell... what now?" because my jaw just dropped.
My heart is aching for her, but I don't know what to do.

All I know is how I deal with things. 
Alone.

I've never been one of those people who likes to have people around, fawning over me when I'm upset. Wanting to "talk about it". 
When someone dies, I don't want to sit around in a circle with other people mourning and cry together. I want to go home. Cry my tears by myself.

So, what do I do? 
I feel like a bad person for not knowing what to tell someone.
Is it enough for them to know I'm here?

Ugh.

1 comment:

Kristine said...

You have been so good to me :) Thank you BFFL. I love you :)