The Great Depression

I'm gonna touch on something semi serious right now: Depression.

I know that there are a LOT of people out there that have suffered from depression. And I don't mean just the "wow, I stubbed my toe and ruined my pedicure" depression. I mean that depression that completely clouds your mind and practically paralyzes you.

I, my friends, am one of those people. I don't talk about it a ton on here because I have more interesting things to tell people (at least I think I do... you guys probably disagree, haha). But this past week and a half or so has been really bad for me. Bad enough that I decided the other day that i better start taking my medication again.

Yes, I know, typically a prescription such as this is intended to be taken on a regular basis for best results. But a) I don't like to rely on it, and b) I forget to take it anyways. So I only take it when I feel those really dark feelings taking over.

Lately I've been really upset about EVERYTHING. I've been upset about my weight, my relationships, my job, and my life in general. Nothing triggers it. There's nothing wrong with these things (aside from my weight, which is a legit issue), but my brain just can't wrap itself around the good. I've been really down in the dumps, and have been isolating myself a lot. I don't feel like hanging out with my friends. I don't feel like going places. I don't feel particularly like talking to people. Which in turn makes me feel upset about my relationship with Chad. Because he DOES like doing things. He likes to get out of the house and go talk to Dustin and his other friends about things. He likes to go drink socially. So when I don't feel like it because I am just being withdrawn, he still goes. I know it's not his fault, but in my mind I just want to scream "why don't you want to help me with this? why can't you stay home and be unhappy with me???" 

Ugh, what is wrong with me?! The worst part is that I see and hear it happening, but I can't seem to do anything about it. I can't just flip the switch that says "you know you'll feel better if you go out and have a couple laughs with your friends" or "it would really help if you went to the gym". Even though I KNOW those things would help, I can't do it. The depression just kind of snuffs out any desire or self discipline that makes me go out and do things.

Anyways, I wanted to get that off my chest because it's been holding me down like a ton of bricks and I am hoping that it will make me snap the eff out of it.